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Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Lassi Nihari And lots of pyaar-Kill me.

"Khana kharab, kutte deyo puttro" And there she screamed again. Last Summer ka beginning was WAY more than just a nightmare. It was HELL.SUICIDE. It was everything that could make a person wanna kill themselves.

Before going to Dubai I had to visit a few really purane neighbors in Sialkot apparently one of them planned to fall ill.. just when my vacations started. Apart from there khana there isn't much I like about that place. Weysey I don't even like the khana, It's so heavy and oily. No offence to Sialkoti peepaals.
I don't like that place. I mean I just don't.

Anyways so there I stayed at our really purane -more -like -family- neighbor's . It was like hugee and about 48 people lived there. BEGINNING OF MY NIGHTMARE. oops, I almost forgot to mention, I get homesick too soon.

So anyway, this is what it was like as soon as we reached the sialkoti hawai adda. ( Airport)

ME : This place doesn't seem THAT bad. Mom, lets go visit the duty free shop since chachu planned pick his child from school first

Mom : Umm.. there isn't one.

ME : Uh.

Later, My dad's friend, I call him chachu 'cus he's more like a brother to my dad and my mom taught me to call him that, came to pick us. I sat in his car and this is what the conversations were like

Chachu : O ji, aap loug bare hi ache time per aye ho. Ghar jate hi wekhna, Nihari aur rotian garama garam tiyaar pari hongi.

My Dad : Yeh tou barri achi baat hei. Weysey bhi hum logon ne breakfast nai kiya.

Chachu : Haan khair. Nihari na bhi hou tou lassi aur karele tou hongey hi. ( Like who eats karele anyway that too with 'lassi', pardon me for saying so but lassi with food is like having ice cream with pepsi )

And then the conversation about food went on forever.

... YES IT ENDED. 'Cus we reached the place where we were staying.

I was a lil excited to meet them after a really long time but staying with them? NO. 'Cus I don't like staying with people. I didn't even know we were gonna stay. My dad kept it as a secret 'cus he knew I won't go if I knew that.

So anyway, after going there I had no other choice but to stay there at the place. I wanna call it the place cus I don't know what else to call it.

Ander jate hi there were about 287373720983 people saying Assalam-u-alaikum simultaneously.I didn't know who to greet first, I didn't even know half of them. They all came bhaagte hue hugging us like we survived a plane crash. That is sweet I know but too much of it is annoying, trust me.

I spent two nights there. Without any doubts, they treated us like we were kahin ke rajaaa rani. Acha khana, acha rehna ka jagah, acha treatment, Hurr kuch acha tha but what they couldn't change was kuch logon ki aadatein. Like old women. We'd sit on a dining table and 'light' chali jati (that's what they'd say). So anyway, jeysey hi light jaati a really old woman would scream " Khaana kharab howe WAPDA KA. Ussan kya aidi bhans maraya hei" (Pardon the ghalat salat punjabi, it's just that I don't know punjabi much) which btw means ke WAPDA ka khana kharab hona chahiye, it's not like we've killed their buffaloes or something.

Then, when I would want to drink some water some old woman would go like ( P.s they all looked almost the same ) " Beti Pani kyun pee rai ho? lassi peo na! Khoti di putar ( She'd scream to some random girl passing by ) Idher khare hue ki wekh rahi hai? Jao lassi la ker do " I DO NOT LIKE LASSI WOMAN. I KNOW YOU ARE SWEETER THAN MY MOM'S SNOWBALL DESSERT BUT PLEASE, TOO MUCH SWEETNESS CAUSES ONE TO CHOKE.

Did I mention their naukar chakar? Their presence was suicide. I know poverty has taken over and stuff but none of that stops you from bathing.

This was just the old women. The younger ones were worse.They were brand conscious wannabes.

This is how my conversation with them would go like :

Brand conscious wannabe : Oh is that Cartier? I love Cartier, half of my stuff is Cartier.

Me : Bvlgari.

Old woman : Bul gaari? Ae koi nai gaddi ai hei?

Me : Um, nai aunty. It's rather pronounced as bul-gair-ee. And it's a brand.

Brand conscious wannabe : Hmm.. I don't like that. You know how some brands can be. uhh tacky. Uh..

Me : LOL. You think Bvlgari is tacky? You need sleep.

And I'd walk out on her. HAH in her face.

Days passed and I kept feeling weirder and weirder. Homesickness began.

I'd be up all night and in the morning I'd look like some spirit. And they'd all crack lame jokes about me -.- like kya masla hei bhaii :/

High fever. Cough. Flu sub eik saath hi attacked me. They had to take me back. Back to Karachi. Back HOME. I could not go to Dubai directly from that place.

And then the pressure started. They started pressurizing us and emotionally blackmailing us to stay. So we stayed there for two more days.

We all know what punjab is famous for-it's food and people feeding their guests a lot. Last summer my weight   was 40 kgs.And when I came back I was 55 O.O it took me forever to lose weight.Now I'm 45.. I think I can never be 40 again all cus of them :( It may not sound as bad to you people lekin challenge kerti houunn none of you can stay there for more than a week.

So anyway, after a crazyyyyyyyyy time we finally returned. Back home :') I hugged my bed.. not like I can do that but wait did you just think I was huge? YOU'RE NOT NICE.I maybe fat but just a lil bit. It's baby fat and it's the new cool :') So anyway I hugged my bed like you knoww jiss tarah kerte heiiin. And started packing for Dubai.

No matter how much I disliked being at Sialkot, i must say, they live such an achi lifeee. kissi cheez ki parwa nai hotii. And in Karachi damn, time flies. There are good things about Sialkot too, just that I don't know anyyy :p

Ciao Ya'll. Hope that post wasn't huge :P


    I LOL'd after almost every single line.
    This post was not funny, its was hilarious! The wring style (Urdu+English)and way of describing everything was so polished and this made the post amazing.
    Sialkot , heye!
    Chachu, Aunties, Wannabes, Servants, beyond awesome. xD

  2. I've been to Dubai! I lived in Oman for a year and we visited DUbai and went to wild wadi and travelled all around :D

  3. I might have laughed harder than Maryam's eight thousand HAHAHAHA's combined.
    I have relatives in Sialkot as well. But they all live in the cantonment area so I guess they don't force such lassi episodes on us every time I go there. Oh and btw I love lassi and I have never had Nihari. *dies

  4. Fatimaa,

    LOL. You really had a wonderful and memorable time. How was trip to Dubai?

    Take care

  5. I feel sorry for you.I never had been through a punjabi torture,though I had a similar time in Swat by my pashtoon guests.So I can really relate to this.

    i think i laughed 25 million times.
    i like lassi, but i absolutely despise nihari. ew.
    i hate it when relatives go on and on about brands!
    you haz funzzz, i hopes.

    p.s. i absolutely adore the new layout!

  7. @Maryam : Thank youuu so much. It may sound hilarious but it was HELL babe.

    @Hannah Marie : Dubai surely is amazing. It's like.. Heaven :D

    @ Jack : The trip to Dubai was beyong amazing. I had so much fun thereeee. I met my cousins after a long time and we hung out. It was all very very nice.

    @Hamza : Oh you should. Hahhahahhaahhah. I wonder how that was.

    @Furree Katt : No shiz? That made me feel awesome :p I like lassi too but having it every day is like.. you dont wanna know :P Dubai is AWESOME. Oh and I did. :D
    Really? Thank youuu :D

  8. Hahaahahaha! Awww, I feel sorry for you. Thankfully I havent had any sort of family madness similar to this in my life. But hey, it does sound like a heck of an experience :P
    I LIVED IN DUBAI FOR 12 YEARS! GO THERE AND HAVE FUN. Go to all the huge malls and stuff, and enjoy yourself!
    Btw, I love the urdu-English mixture. So cool. Following!

  9. HAHAHAHAHA!! Most hilarious post I've read on blogger! Love your writing style, following :)

  10. @ChocolateMilk: You should feel sorry. It was.. HELL =P Oh it sure was an experience. I DID. IT WAS SO AWESOME. HUGE MALLS <3 Thank you so much :D

    @ Purplemist : OMG? Wow that's such an honor! THANK YOU :D


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